Love Letter To A Record: Estère On Coldplay’s A ‘Rush Of Blood To The Head’

Written by Estere on May 11, 2018

Many of us can link a certain album to pivotal moments in our lives. Whether it’s the first record you bought with your own money, the chord you first learnt to play on guitar, the song that soundtracked your first kiss, the album that got you those awkward and painful pubescent years or the one that set off light bulbs in your brain and inspired you to take a big leap of faith into the unknown – music is often the catalyst for change in our lives and can even help shape who we become.

In this series, Music Feeds asks artists to reflect on their relationship with music and share with us stories about the effect music has had on their lives.

Here are their love letters to records that forever changed their lives.

Estère: Coldplay – ‘A Rush Of Blood To The Head’

You consoled me at a strange moment in life. I was outspoken yet diffident, invincible yet sensitive to what others thought. A complete clashing, teeth gnashing – teenager.

At 14 my best friend and I used to lie awake at night, gazing at the shrinking stars, fantasising about our futures, and you…were the soundtrack. What depths you took us to. Chris Martin’s blurry British voice and heavily annunciated esses, the ambience of ‘Clocks’ covering us up like a goose down duvet. “Come out of the things un-sssaid, shoot an apple off my head.”

Sometimes my feelings grew possessive. I would have arguments about having known you longer, about knowing you the BEST. I daydreamed about meeting your creators and saying, “What you’ve made, it unDOES me.” I was in my most dramatic era. And you were so supportive of that. Even when I was making my worst choices, doing things definitely forbade by my parents, your melancholic, pop melodic preaching of: “Ah when you work it out I’m worse than yeeew, yeah when you work it out I wanted to” – made me feel free to explore my darker adolescent side.

But like all intense relationships, there came a point where the dependency became dysfunctional. It’s not that you were a bad influence, I know you meant well. But I began to notice myself not wanting to leave the house without you. I got nervous at parties whenever someone put Radiohead on instead, even though people would say “but they’re one of Coldplay’s biggest inspirations.” I didn’t care. I was needy, I didn’t feel comfortable with albums of a vaguely similar genre – and at some point I recognised this.

So I slowly distanced myself. It wasn’t your fault, you were always great – it was more about me. About needing to explore and grow. But I’ll always think fondly of your company throughout that visceral and confusing time. And as they say, during the teenage years – you’re more susceptible to a rush of blood to the head.

Estère’s double album ‘My Design, On Others’ Live’ is out now.

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